What do you think of this poem?

I need some help with the poem I wrote-first of all I need to choose a title. And then maybe if you could give me your opinion of the poem-what you like, don't like, how I could improve it.



Title ideas:

1. Surrounded and yet alone

2. The Agony Caused by Loneliness



THE POEM: The yellow flowers around me stay/

as I slowly wilt them away/The colour I lack/turns the yellow into black/and the petals start to fall/as in the background I bawl...

It is then when/the world disappears/and I am left by myself/Alone/Alone with my misery/Alone with my fears/Alone

What do you think of this poem?
I am not sure about the title options- neither "feel" quit right. I enjoyed your poem very much but I do believe there were several places where a better word could have enhanced the poems feelings rather than hinder the reading. bawl, was one of those words, of you feel there is no other wording correct maybe adding another line after to make it "flow" into the next verse better. That was actually the only hick-up I really read. I hope that helps. And it is an amazingly original unique poem. KEEP WRITING!
Reply:i like the poem and i choose the title number 1
Reply:I thought it was pretty good. It tells how you feel through using flowers as the discription of what you feel inside. Loniness and emptiness are terrible feelings and we as people seem to dwell on that.
Reply:i would call it the "pick of life"



i like it, it's cute, not like your usual poem.
Reply:its very very good good job there is nothing rong with it i over ckecked it
Reply:i like the poem...as for the title how about this, "loneliness is darkness"?
Reply:nice
Reply:i think you have very well brought all your emotions related to loneliness down in this poem.great job.

rimmel